I Won’t Let This Work Kill Me
Caring for myself is not self-indulgence.
Liberation is a journey.
One that I am actively participating in by being honest with myself about my capacity for this work I love and acknowledging the time and dedication needed for my wellness and wholeness. In the last year, I have experienced so much change, most of it purposely unspoken as I sat with and processed how this internal change would show itself externally. Many of you have helped me to process my experience and my feelings unknowingly through graciously sharing virtual and in person space with me, sharing your thoughts about the work I have put into the world and your experiences of me throughout the years. I’m still in awe and reflect on the words and energy exchanged daily.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare," - Audre Lorde
I’m committed to not only holding space for others' liberation but also modeling liberation by sharing my own liberation journey and sustainability plan as it shifts and evolves to care for who I am in the present time. Like many of you, the needs of my body, mind and spirit pushes up against systems of oppression and the pull of urgency can take a hold. However, sustaining liberation first requires a conscious choice to follow this path then a commitment to resistance and evolution for the sustainability of liberation. Resistance to the powers and systems that be in the ways you can access and understanding you are a human who’s liberation journey will shift and change as you grow. Below are the aspects I have done some deep thinking about in my journey as I’ve evolved internally and am now ready to put out externally into my community.
Passion - I am beyond passionate about this reproductive justice and still am. I am also passionate about my family, my partner, my friends, spirituality, grief, joy and it’s my birthright to also put my passion into those aspects that make me whole.
Community Care - Relationships are important. I love to build systems and be behind the scenes but I am looking forward to nourishing relationships in my life by opening up more one to one interactions, which will still include mentoring and coaching but will now also include virtual full spectrum care for birthing people, as well as spiritual care and energy work for every body.
Time - I have been nonstop working with a few short breaks for myself since I started this journey as an entrepreneur in 2018. Always building, growing and filling my time with serving others. The future includes taking time for myself intentionally and without distraction. Resting, creating and living at my own pace as much as possible.
Wellness - I am disabled and have an ongoing list of complicated and painful diagnoses. Many of them worsened by my level of stress and constant work. The future of my wellness in the immediate future includes my Fall/Winter slow down and functional medicine to get my back on track (and keep me on track as the standard).
Creation - I am at my best when I am creating at my own pace, filled with joy and from my heart. The new group offerings I have been creating are a reflection of where I have been and where I am now evolving. I can’t wait for y’all to experience them!
Capacity - For me, capacity isn’t just how much I can do but also how much I can take in. Being measured about how much news, current events and trauma I take in is essential to my sustainability in this work. Being intentional and measured about my capacity is the key to my well-being.
Quitting - Quitting can be healthy. In the last few months, I have stopped projects, stepped down from boards and I plan to downsize my responsibilities even more. Quality is better than quantity and spreading myself too thin isn’t an option anymore.
To be clear, I am not stepping away from this work but how I do this work is changing to make space for my wholeness, present higher quality experiences and assist in creating sustainable change alongside my community. Too many people in this work, especially BIPOC folks, are literally putting their mental and physical selves at risk and literally dying from this work we all need. I have been that person and I refuse to continue being that person.
I am saying yes to committing to reproductive justice AND I am saying yes to my liberation.
Both can exist.
Through my liberation journey, I hope to be an example of that.
“You will evolve. Not everyone will get it. Evolve anyway.” - Cara Alwill Leyba
With so much love,